Your Future Book Tag!

I really and truly do not play around with enough book tags here, so I was extremely pleased when Kat over at Life & Other Disasters posted her contribution to the Your Future Book Tag. Hers was absolutely hysterical to read through, so I’m hoping mine will be just as entertaining. Here’s how it works:

Pick 5 books of your own choosing and then use 1 book to answer 2 of the given questions!

I have the weirdest collection of books of all time — it’s a hodge-podge of things lingering from high school, textbooks from college I decided to cling to, and random books I’ve picked up here and there since graduation — so we’ll see how my five selections perform.

My Selections:

Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell
Invisible Monsters by Chuck Palahniuk
The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath
The Selection by Kiera Cass
Persepolis by Marjane Satrapi

So clearly I like books about people who are recluses and don’t really stick to the status quo, or struggle with mental health. But that’s okay, because I am all of those things! Let’s see how they stack up to the test of this tag.

1. Open book 1 to a random page. Look at the first word on the page. If it’s less than 5 letters, you will go to college. If it’s more than 5 letters, you won’t go to college. (Fangirl)

I mean, this is already going to be moot because I’ve already gone to college — and am planning on going again soon in the next year — but okay, let’s see if I go to college. BUT! I opened up to page 156 and the first word is “their.” I’m going to go to college again, yaaaay!

2. Open book 1 to a random page. The first name you see. Think of that persons job, that will be your job. Note: Is that person stil in school? You will be a teacher. You don’t know that persons job? You will be unemployed. (Fangirl)

The first name I saw on page 278 was the main character, Cath. She is currently a student in university, so that means I’m going to be a teacher. I did want to be an English or Women’s/Gender Studies professor sometime down the line, so awesome! Let’s give some bored young adults some book learnin’.

3. Open book 2 to a random page. The first name you see will be the person you will marry! (Invisible Monsters)

Oh god, everyone in this book is literally a terrible person (except Shannon, the narrator), so this can only end badly for me. I’m gonna keep my fingers crossed and hope it’s her. Chuck, why can’t you write nicer characters? Aaaaaand, I end up with Evie Cottrell, who is probably the worst person in this book. I’m probably going to get a Panic! At The Disco song written about me from this marriage.

4. Open book 2 to a random page. The first name you see will be your best friend! (Invisible Monsters)

If it’s Evie again, I don’t know what I’m going to do. I may be a Slytherin, but that doesn’t mean I’m okay with being friends with people who literally murder others. (But then again, I’m already married to her, so there’s no turning back now.) Alrighty, so I ended up being friends with Brandy Alexander, who is the second best person in this book; coincidentally, Evie fuckin’ hates Brandy. This might be one of those friendships I have to keep on the down low so that my wife doesn’t get upset.

5. Open book 3 to a random page. Look at the second word on the page. Count how many letters that word has, remove 2 letters. That’s how many children you will have! (The Bell Jar)

Technically — without spoiling a major plot point of Invisible Monsters — Evie and I could have children; that doesn’t mean that I want to have children with her. Thankfully, the first word I saw when I randomly opened up The Bell Jar was “it,” which means we are having zero children. This will give Evie time to work on her career as a fashion model, and me enough time to educate many young adults about the joys of literature. (I actually already have a syllabus worked up for a literature class based entirely around YA, fyi. I’d be a great professor.)

6. How many children did you have? Open the book as many times to see who your children will be. If you have no children, open the book once. The first name you will see, will be something of your choice. A couple of examples: neighbor, father in law etc. (The Bell Jar)

Since Evie and I were too focused on our respective careers to bear children, I will be only opening The Bell Jar once. The first name on the page that I saw was Constantin, who is the UN Interpreter with whom Esther flirts. I don’t know, he could be a good neighbor, especially with how perfectly he keeps his bar stocked. I’d be down to have him as a neighbor, if only so I could head over there and drink some cocktails from time to time.

7. Book 4: Where does this book take place? This will be the place you will live! (The Selection)

It turns out that Evie, Constantin, and I will be living in the Kingdom of Illea! Given that, as a professor, I start out as a Three; however, Evie’s a popular model, so that brings us up to Twos. Of course, I’m going to be that Two that works with the Northern Rebels to bring down the caste system. Fuck you, King Clarkson. I do what I want and I have the power to make the children of your kingdom think more critically about the way you run the country.

8. Open book 4 to a random place, the first name you see, does this person have a car, bike etc.? That will be your transportation in life. Note: teleporting, broom etc. is allowed. If your character had no means of transportation that you know of, you will be using public transportation. (The Selection)

Upon opening the book, the first name on the page is Celeste Newsome who is a Two for being a model, just like my wife. Maybe they work on photoshoots together, who knows. However, I assume that because Celeste has to fly from place to place for her photoshoots, she has a private jet. It’s not exactly discussed in the books exactly how Celeste gets around, but I’m going to make an educated guess. But I’m totally okay with public transportation, too. I’m always down for a good metro ride.

9. Does this book have any animals in it? Pick your favorite animal, that will be your pet. No animals in the book? You will have no pet. (Persepolis)

Yeah, there are definitely no pets mentioned throughout Persepolis. Marjane had enough on her plate to worry about while her country was being taken over by an oppressive, conservative regime; I doubt she had the time to worry about a dog. Unfortunately, this means that I will have no dog in my fantasy life. This makes me sad because in real life, I want a dog more than anything else.

10. Open book 5 to a random page. The first name you see will be your enemy! (Persepolis)

The page I opened to didn’t mention any characters by name, but it did talk at length about how strict the laws were in Iran at the time the regime was taking over. I’m going to take that to mean that my main enemy is oppressive governments who limit the free expression of its people. Funny, because that is my exact main enemy in real life! I’ll take it!

Overall, my Bookish Future mostly revolves around me and my murderous wife being radical as fuck trying to take down King Clarkson of Illea. Using free thought and a private jet, we have all of the resources we need in order to convince people one by one that things are absolutely terrible and we need to revolt. I’m not upset with that life, actually. Maybe Evie’s murderous streak can do some good against people who try to assassinate us for leading a revolution. I’m totally down with that.

This tag was a lot of fun and I know there’s a lot of ways that the answers can be interpreted for maximum awesome as hell future. If you want to go ahead and participate in this one, let me know! I’m not going to be tagging anyone in it, but I definitely want to see how people’s lives turned out. Link me to your post in the comments if you end up doing it!


One thought on “Your Future Book Tag!

  1. Your life is FREAKING BADASS! You are so lucky to have the money to properly lead the revolution. I fully support you and your wife! Also, how cool is it that you got a word with 2 letters for the kids question? And lets face it, it would be very unsafe for kids with the rebel life you are leading anyway!

    Liked by 1 person

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